So a Baby Seal Walks Into a Club
Nov 7th, 2008
| zadriana | 09:17 pm - Compliments of the Bar A man walks into a bar. And he sits down in forepart of a bowl of basics and orders a drink. He starts snacking on the nuts as he waits for his drink. All of a sudden he hears a voice say "yous're handsome." And he looks effectually and in that location'due south no i around, only he sits there and goes back to eating his nuts and all of a sudden he hears "nice facial pilus," and "I actually similar what y'all've done with that mustache." He looks around, strokes his beard, doesn't know where information technology'south coming from, has another potable, and hears, "I similar your shoes." Looks at his shoes and keeps looking effectually for the vocalization. The bartender comes up with he drinks and the human being asks, "This may exist weird, but is there someone around here, maxim squeamish things to me... is it you lot, man?" and the bartender says, "no, information technology's the peanuts; they are complimentary." |
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Apr 6th, 2006
| zadriana | 09:26 am - From fengi A limbo champion walks into a bar, and says, "OW! DAMMIT! MY CAREER IS OVER!" |
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Feb 24th, 2005
| zadriana | 08:45 pm - jesus christ A drunkard stammers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." So the boozer says it to the 2nd priest. The second priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?" |
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| zadriana | 08:41 pm - fish duck A duck walks into a bar and up to the bartender. Looking the boyfriend square in the eye, he asks, "Hey, uh, you lot got any fish here?" "No," the bartender replies. "This is a bar. We practise not sell fish. If you want something to drink, I tin can help you. Otherwise, scram." The duck waddles away, muttering to himself. The adjacent day the duck returns, bellies up to the bar, and asks the bartender, "Say, um...you got whatsoever fish?" "No, no, a thousand times no!" cries the bartender. "Look, I told yous yesterday—we don't take any fish. If you ask me ane more time, I'grand going to nail your stupid piffling duck bill to the bar. Got information technology?" "Yeah, yeah, I got it, I got it, mister," the duck mumbles, slides off his barstool and waddles into the dark. The very next day the duck is back. "Er, mister?" he begins. "Yes?" replies the bartender with a menacing expect in his eye. "Do you...do you lot have any nails?" the duck asks. The bartender frowns. "No. This is a bar. I accept no nails." "Well, uh...y'all got any fish?" |
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| zadriana | 08:26 pm - cheese coil A man walks into a bar and sees a sign . Cheese rolls $2.00 Ham rolls $2.00 Hand jobs $ten.00 And so he sees an attractive blonde waitress and says to her do yous do the manus jobs and She replies yeah i do. And then he says well launder your hands i desire a cheese curl. |
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| zadriana | 08:21 pm - alligator A homo walked into a bar holding an alligator. He asked the bartender, "Practice you serve lawyers hither?" The bartender said, "Yep, nosotros exercise!" "Good," replied the homo. "Give me a beer, and I'll accept a lawyer for my alligator." |
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| zadriana | 08:19 pm - cowboy A cowboy walks into a bar. Upon leaving, he realizes that someone has painted his horse. The cowboy yells, "Which one of you lot painted my horse?" A 7 human foot tall hulk of a man says, menacingly, "I did." The cowboy realizes he is in problem and replies, "Why, thanks - the first coat'southward dry!" |
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| zadriana | 08:18 pm - equus caballus backside the bar A guy walks into a bar and at that place is a equus caballus behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is simply staring at the equus caballus, when the horse says, "What are y'all staring at? Haven't y'all ever seen a horse serving drinks before?" The guy says, "No, I never thought the parrot would sell the place." |
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| zadriana | 08:17 pm - biting domestic dog A man walks into a bar and sits downward next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog seize with teeth?". The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the canis familiaris and the dog bites him. The man says, "I idea yous said your dog doesn't seize with teeth!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. This isn't my dog." |
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| zadriana | 08:17 pm - asphalt A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and i for the road." |
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