Can One Partner Have Hiv and the Other Not

Two years after Maria Mejia, 44, and Li Laing, 46, met on social media, their deep friendship blossomed into a romance. But on the day that Mejia told Laing about her HIV status, it took her more than two hours before she could finally send a message that read, "I'm HIV positive."

"That moment is very scary," Mejia says. "There's always a chance that they might [reject me]."

But to her relief, Laing's much-anticipated response just said, "And?"

Mejia was diagnosed with HIV at the age of 18. Today, she's an AIDS activist and educator and a blogger at The Well Project. And while Mejia has told previous partners that she has HIV, she says, the conversation doesn't get easier with time.

Laing and Mejia, who have been together for 10 years and are now married, have maintained a strong physical and emotional bond. Their relationship, in which one partner is HIV negative and one partner is HIV positive, is called serodiscordant or mixed-status, but the preferred term among those living with HIV is "magnetic couple." And although Laing and Mejia have their challenges — just like every couple — some issues are unique to people living with a chronic illness.

Loving Someone Who Has HIV

For Mejia and Laing, HIV can loom large over their future. Right now, Mejia is healthy — but when you're living with HIV, she says, that could change.

"I have a lot of stamina and strength because I live a very healthy life," Mejia says. But she's also seen healthy, HIV-positive friends succumb to pneumonia or other serious conditions very quickly. Her partner worries that could happen to her, Mejia says, but she notes that they "live one day at a time."

"I cannot live in the past and I cannot think, 'What if I get sick?'" she says. "The best thing I can do is take care of myself today."

Protecting Yourself and Your Partner

Couples in mixed-status relationships can still have an active sex life if they take some precautions. Using condoms any time you have vaginal, anal, or oral sex reduces your risk of transmitting HIV from one partner to another, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

It's also important to stay on top of your treatment regimen. Although antiretroviral drugs can't cure HIV, they can significantly decrease the amount of virus in a person's blood. In July 2017, the AIDS Prevention Access Campaign released a statement supported by the International AIDS Society that there's evidence that an HIV-positive person with an undetectable viral load in the blood for at least six months won't transmit the virus.

While that's undoubtedly good news, it doesn't mean couples can be lax about protection. Not only does viral suppression require strict adherence to an HIV treatment regimen, but also viral load may suddenly rise for various — and sometimes unpredictable — reasons, called a "blip."

"It's important to know your partner's status and viral load, and that using condoms and safe [drug] injecting practices can help prevent HIV and other sexually transmitted infections," says Antonio Urbina, MD, an associate professor of infectious disease at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City.

HIV-negative people can also protect themselves by taking pre–exposure prophylaxis (also known as PrEP), says Shannon Weber, MSW, director of HIVE. PrEP is one pill taken once daily that is safe and highly effective in preventing HIV, Weber says.

Mejia says her viral load has been undetectable for many years, and feels comfortable that Laing isn't at risk. When she was younger, Mejia put off taking medications, but today, she understands the importance of controlling HIV and takes them regularly.

"You're not only saving your life, but other people's lives as well," Mejia says.

Getting Comfortable Disclosing Your Status

Mejia is familiar with the stigma, and often the shame, that affects people living with HIV on a daily basis. But, she says, it's no reflection on who you are, your morals or values, or how you live your life. If you tell someone you have cancer, you get compassion — but if you tell someone that you have HIV, you often get questioned, she says.

When it comes to telling a partner about your HIV status, Weber recommends speaking up as early as possible. This way, she says, you'll "know if this is a relationship that is worth pursuing."

Plan ahead, practice how you'll deliver the information, and arm yourself with answers to any potential questions. Weber also suggests bringing your partner along to one of your doctor's visits; this way, you can ask questions together.

No matter what, don't be discouraged. If you ever feel that no one will accept or love you because you're living with HIV, just look to Mejia and Laing and the countless other couples living with HIV — they prove that's simply not true.

Can One Partner Have Hiv and the Other Not

Source: https://www.everydayhealth.com/hs/preventing-hiv/partner-hiv-positive/

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